I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
