so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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