smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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