dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
