Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just pee around me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
