if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
