bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
