He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
