so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
