after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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