I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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