True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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