I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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