some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
