Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
