I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
