If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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