Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
