2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
