alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
