And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
