I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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