After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
