dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
