He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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