She said her name was "party"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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