In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
