We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
