it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
