This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
