I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
