What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
