Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
