I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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