kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
