why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
