I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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