HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
