Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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