Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
