when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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