What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
