My sheets look like a crime scene.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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