I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
