I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
