I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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