i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
