Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
