My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
