Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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