I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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