operation harelip BJ is a go
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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