I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He? As in you personified your dick?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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