You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
