she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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