I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
