sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
