she was so not down for the gang bang
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
