I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
