just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
