I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
