Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
