Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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