I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
