we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
