Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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