Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
