Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
