Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
