32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
